7 Communication Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making

7 Communication Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making

Imagine this: you’re at a café, and you notice someone reading the same book as you. You smile, they smile back—something clicks. You start talking, but the conversation fizzles out after a few minutes. Later, you wonder why it didn’t go further. Chances are, one of you (or both) fell into a common communication trap without even realizing it.

Good communication isn’t just about what you say—it’s about how you listen, respond, and connect. Even small missteps can create distance, making it harder to turn everyday encounters into meaningful connections. The good news? Once you recognize these habits, you can adjust them and open the door to richer, more authentic interactions.

Here are seven communication mistakes you might be making—and how to fix them.

1. Overthinking Your Responses

You’re so focused on what to say next that you miss half of what the other person is saying. Sound familiar? This habit turns conversations into a performance rather than a shared moment.

Why it’s a problem:

  • You come across as distracted or uninterested.
  • You miss key details that could deepen the conversation.
  • The other person feels like they’re talking to a wall.

How to fix it:

  • Practice active listening: focus on the speaker’s words, tone, and body language.
  • Pause before responding. A brief silence is better than interrupting or rushing.
  • If your mind wanders, gently bring it back. It’s okay to say, “Sorry, I got distracted—what were you saying?”

2. Assuming Instead of Asking

You meet someone new and assume they’re not interested in talking because they’re on their phone. Or you assume a coworker is upset with you because they didn’t say hello. Assumptions fill in the blanks with stories that may not be true—and they often create unnecessary tension.

Why it’s a problem:

  • You miss opportunities to connect because of false assumptions.
  • You might act based on incorrect information (e.g., avoiding someone who’s actually open to talking).
  • It reinforces negative biases.

How to fix it:

  • Replace assumptions with curiosity. Instead of thinking, “They don’t like me,” ask yourself, “What else could be going on?”
  • If you’re unsure, ask open-ended questions: “How’s your day going?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?”
  • Give people the benefit of the doubt. Most people are just as unsure as you are in social situations.

3. Talking Too Much (or Too Little)

Some people dominate conversations, while others barely say a word. Both extremes can make interactions feel unbalanced. If you’re the one doing most of the talking, you might come across as self-absorbed. If you’re too quiet, the other person might feel like they’re pulling teeth to keep the conversation going.

Why it’s a problem:

  • The other person feels unheard or overwhelmed.
  • You miss out on learning something new.
  • The conversation lacks depth and flow.

How to fix it:

  • Aim for a 50/50 balance. If you notice you’ve been talking for a while, pause and ask a question.
  • Use the FORD method (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) to keep conversations balanced and engaging.
  • If you’re shy, start small. Share one thought or observation, then build from there.

4. Ignoring Nonverbal Cues

Words are only part of the equation. Your tone, facial expressions, and body language send powerful signals—sometimes louder than what you’re saying. If you’re saying, “I’m happy to see you!” but your arms are crossed and you’re avoiding eye contact, the other person will pick up on the disconnect.

Why it’s a problem:

  • Mixed signals create confusion or distrust.
  • You might unintentionally come across as cold or disinterested.
  • The other person may feel uncomfortable without knowing why.

How to fix it:

  • Pay attention to your body language. Are you facing the person? Are your arms relaxed?
  • Match your tone to your words. If you’re excited, let your voice reflect that.
  • Observe the other person’s cues. If they’re leaning in, they’re engaged. If they’re checking their watch, it might be time to wrap up.

5. Giving Advice When It’s Not Wanted

When someone shares a problem, your first instinct might be to jump in with solutions. But often, people just want to be heard. If you immediately offer advice, they might feel like you’re dismissing their feelings or implying they can’t handle things on their own.

Why it’s a problem:

  • The other person feels unheard or patronized.
  • You miss the chance to connect on an emotional level.
  • The conversation shifts from their experience to your opinions.

How to fix it:

  • Start by validating their feelings: “That sounds really tough” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
  • Ask if they want advice before giving it: “Would you like to brainstorm solutions, or do you just need to vent?”
  • Sometimes, all someone needs is a listening ear. Practice being present without trying to “fix” everything.

6. Avoiding Vulnerability

You keep conversations light and superficial because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing or being judged. But small talk only takes you so far. If you never share anything personal, the conversation won’t deepen, and neither will the connection.

Why it’s a problem:

  • The interaction feels shallow and forgettable.
  • You miss the chance to build trust and rapport.
  • The other person might feel like you’re holding back.

How to fix it:

  • Share something small but personal. Instead of “The weather’s nice,” try “I love this weather—it reminds me of my childhood summers.”
  • Ask open-ended questions that invite vulnerability: “What’s something you’re really proud of?” or “What’s a challenge you’ve overcome recently?”
  • Remember: vulnerability is a two-way street. When you open up, others often feel safe to do the same.

7. Forgetting to Follow Up

You meet someone interesting at a coffee shop, exchange a few words, and then… nothing. Life gets busy, and the moment passes. But following up is how fleeting encounters turn into lasting connections. If you don’t take that next step, you might miss out on a friendship, collaboration, or simply a great conversation.

Why it’s a problem:

  • You lose the momentum of the initial connection.
  • The other person might assume you’re not interested.
  • Opportunities for deeper connections slip away.

How to fix it:

  • If the conversation went well, suggest a low-pressure way to continue it: “I’d love to hear more about your project—are you free for coffee next week?”
  • Use tools like Matuvu, a proximity-based social app, to reconnect with people you’ve crossed paths with. It’s designed for those moments when you think, I wish I’d gotten their number—because sometimes, the best connections start with a simple “Hey, I saw you at the bookstore yesterday!”
  • Don’t overthink it. A quick message like, “It was great meeting you earlier—let’s keep the conversation going!” is all it takes.

Putting It All Together

Communication is a skill, and like any skill, it improves with practice. Start by noticing one or two of these habits in your next conversation. Maybe you’ll catch yourself overthinking your response or assuming the worst. That’s progress! Small tweaks can make a big difference in how you connect with others.

Remember, the goal isn’t to be perfect—it’s to be present, curious, and open. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel. And who knows? That next conversation could lead to a friendship, a collaboration, or simply a moment of shared humanity.

If you’re looking for more opportunities to practice these skills, try striking up a conversation with someone new this week. Or, if you’ve already crossed paths with someone interesting, use Matuvu on the App Store or Google Play to reconnect. After all, the best connections often start with a simple “I saw you there too.”